Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
