Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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