How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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