do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
