I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
