i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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