Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
