god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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