So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
