Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
