that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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