You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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