Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
