Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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