Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I deserve this hangover.
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