i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize