first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
