I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
