Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
