I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize