he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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