yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
