remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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