All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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