I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
