matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
