I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
