Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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