ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
