But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
