So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
