i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
