Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize