just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
