shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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