found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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