I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize