He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
