dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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