i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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