Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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