So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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