Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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