so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
