I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
