It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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