The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize