Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
