You're so nebulous sometimes
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
