are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
