ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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