You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
