Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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