what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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