i just had sex bonerless
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
