you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
