so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
