remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
