So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
