I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
