swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
