saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
