peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize