my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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