Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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