Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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