You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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